Fluffy Black and White Stinky Kitty

Today I discovered that a stinky kitty with long black and white hair was living under the shed in the backyard. Rufus wouldn't have anything to do with this kitty and insisted it wasn't even a kitty at all. I barked at the kitty to let him know I saw him and then tried to help him out by digging large holes under the shed. He clearly didn't want my help because he kept spraying me with this deliciously stinky stuff and continued to hide. I realized (too late) that getting stinky might mean Holly would give me a bath. How fair is that? I didn't even get to go to the beach! To hide the smell from the humans I decided it would be best to first rub it off on the human's bed, then the guest dog bed, then my bed, and finally Rufus's bed when he wasn't looking. Too bad there wasn't a basket of clothes nearby or I would have hit that too.

Mommy and Daddy's Dirty Little Secret

Yesterday Bucky and Holly woke up really early and put on their stinky clothes and funny shoes. This is always a mystery to Rufus and I because we don’t know where they go or why they come back all sweaty. Lately they’ve been taking us with them in the car, which is great, but now we can’t bark like fools in the early morning hours until they return. So yesterday, they loaded us in the car, drove a few blocks and left us alone in the car to go who knows where. After returning all stinky and sweaty I noticed that something was wrong, terribly wrong!

Bucky was covered in the scent of another dog. Another female pit bull if I’m not mistaken! I ran my nose all over him in disbelief as he tried to shoo me away. I licked his neck and arms to be sure, but there was no mistaking the scent of another dog. The two-timing doggy parents! They leave poor Rufus and I alone for EVER only to go somewhere and work up a sweat frolicking with other dogs! Rufus and I are in agreement that what this calls for is a massive pooping operation in the backyard followed by the destruction and redistribution of anything in the wastebaskets. Now I must go nap to conserve my strength.

Garlic Bread

Holly and Bucky left in a hurry today abandoning Apple and I. They even had the audacity to tell us to "be brave and true! Protect the house" even as they put the bark-collar on me. Like we aren't brave and true? Anyway, I noticed right off that something was amiss: There was the lovely odor of stale bread and garlic butter wafting through the house. I trotted over to the kitchen, put my paws up on the counter, and (joy!) saw a fresh loaf of garlic bread in its tasty foil packaging.

Now ask yourself, what are two self-respecting doggies supposed to do with temptation like that? GIVE IN! I pulled the loaf off onto the floor so Apple and I could sate our fearsome hunger on the aluminum encased yeasty goodness that can only be purchased at Vons. Sleep quickly overcame me and I staggered off to my bed.

The next thing I know Holly is calling my name and waving (tasty) bits of aluminum around in my face. Apparently she knows that Apple and I ate the bread, but how? Apple isn't acting guilty, even though she is, so suspicion immediately falls on me. Holly gets down in my face and starts laughing. She is blaming this whole thing on me, but how did she know? Only when she brings a washcloth over to wipe my jowls do I realize: My face is covered in garlic butter with green flecks!